Reviews by charidotes20

This was even worse than expected, and my expectations were not high....

I mean, wow, I must have been a moron when I was a kid, for real, yo....

I mean, I'm not even sure that Steve Carell could help this guy.... Or whoever fucking decided that having a *jealous robot* was a good idea.... I mean, like, what the fuck?

"It is only the science of everyday life which eludes you."

And, yeah, it was difficult for me to see his antagonist as the real villain....

Also note: destroying your own home in a science experiment is *not* a valid excuse for skipping your own wedding....

And, when I think about this myself, you know, it becomes a whole lot less funny, when I think about what my parents decided to (un)do at around this point in time....

To be honest, it was probably stupid of me to like this movie, even when I was eight....

{I mean, since isn't just a suck-y movie, like "Troy", this is actually a crappy movie, like "Fireproof" or "The Day After Tomorrow".}

(5/10)

It's funny-- sometimes I spend some time here on listal planning on what comedy to see next, but I usually just end up watching the comedy that's on TV, of course. You know?

And I actually graduated from high school in 2007, (didn't I? lol), and I think, shortly after that, I got this job in the hospital's kitchen, where I delivered quasi-military style meals to people who tended to be very old and not very interesting. So, yeah, in my next life, I'm totes going to score a job at the country club instead.

Although, of course-- and I swear that this has more to with avoidance than resentment, since it's not an attitude that I *automatically* extend to tennis-- but whenever I see a golf course, I really can't help but see a forest waiting to happen. And I'm holding firm as a forest on that-- IMO, golf is probably the perfect example of something that's sorta bad, yeah, that doesn't really get any better by pushing a few girls into it....

(Although, personally, I like tennis better than basketball-- though I don't have anything *against* basketball.)

So, I don't know what to tell ya.

And, you know, at the time (that this movie was made)-- I would have been watching Battlestar Galactica and eating Cylon toast with Sheldon-- and I would have been watching, let's see... Season 3 (2006-2007), "Unfinished Business"-- the boxing episode, and.... "A Day in the Life", the one where the admiral broods about his dead wife.

So.... I try to put golf (and the country club-- and I've never been able to find a *good* reason why golf {almost} always seems to overshadow tennis in the CC), in that context.

Even though I find golf to be incredibly.... phony. (If you want to know the truth.)

Although, to be honest, my grief with golf isn't so much with the "Italian golf shoes", as with the Scottish plaids, you know, from *Braveheart-land*.

And, you know, even though I don't watch basketball, I do like baseball, and football, both team sports, so I get the idea-- "Troy bailed on us!", but, you know, don't teams *trade* players sometimes? (I know that I've switched sides myself a few times in my life!)

And you know, it was the golf guy--tennis, lol-- who said, "(I do) yoga", and "Don't you think that dancing takes game?" (And technically.... you know, art is different from sport.... but occasionally you have to take things in context, yeah.)

And watching the golf guy play baseball was pretty great-- he looked like some old-school, early-20th century baseball player, like.... Jim Thorpe!

Ha! look at what I just did.

But anyway.... It was average, sure.

So.... Best Factoid Ever (which actually irritated me when I first heard it earlier today): Vivaldi worked at the Ospedale della Pieta, an (Italian) hospital for orphaned girls.

*chuckles* I am such an erratic crazy.

But, yeah.... It was an average movie, I think.

P.S.: *notices cataloguing discrepency* *adopts Sheldon voice* This is a movie, cataloguing-toaster robot, a *movie*, not a television show. I demand justice! I demand restitution!

P.P.S. I'm not sure if it was really necessary to drag the blonde through the mud, *quite* as heartlessly as was done. I mean.... I think that we need to see more feminine girls portrayed sympathetically inside of our media of communications in America today for the greater efficacy of our cultural communication, you know? And, you know.... *chuckles* "Sometimes" by Ash. (Or "Envy". LOL.) (Or almost any poem or song about our soft, goosy feelings.... The ones that just don't respond to, you know, You're betraying the Wildcats, lol.)

P.P.P.S. This is vaguely reminiscent of "What a Girl Wants" (Amanda Bynes, 2003), in the way that an average movie can vaguely remind you of one that isn't *just* average....

(Even though, to be honest, I think that this is a story that maybe should have gone the other way--again, IMO....)

But, whatever.

It is amazing, all of the things that can change in just five years.... I mean, in this month in time, I think that we'd all be expected to treat that daughter like she could walk on water as long as she'd play golf or something, but back then, you'd think that.... I don't know. You'd think that she was *black* or something, instead of "pink", lol. (I'm sorry, but I just think that that's, funny, or something, you know....)

{And, again, at the risk of sounding absurdly pessimistic and deterministic, shirts from 2012 don't say, "He Did It", any more than movies from 2007 say, "Julia Child cooked it", or whatever.... And, yes, I know that that's absurdly pessimistic and deterministic, to a certain extent.}

{I mean, I'm crossing off the days on my calendar until "Timothy Green" comes out.... Even if I don't actually get a chance to see it, myself--do you see that?.... Just like, I didn't have the guts to admit, until yesterday, that I wanted to see Jason Segel star as me in "Jeff".... And it is an odd turn of phrase, isn't it-- "he lives at home"....}

You know?

Let's see if I can obfuscate this a little more.

*fact-checks dates on Wikipedia*

I don't know what to tell you.

..... {At times like these, I like to flip through "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner", to tell you the truth.... And all because of an average movie!}

(8/10)

(Sheldon) "I'm the boss; I'll make the jokes."

I hate scientists.

So I decided to call this review, "I hate you, Sheldon."

(Because I hate him.)

(And I *never* knew any body like him.)

......

And you know why I don't really quote this show? Because it's fucking irritating the way they talk.... and that's why it'll never be more than average thing for me....

And why, even though you sorta can learn alot from it, I still don't really, like them all that much, I don't know.... but....

You are not the walrus. You're not John.

It's like Billy Joel, all history....

Or Miranda July, who apparently is a *director* now-- ooooh, I'm a chick who's a director, I'm not Jennifer Garner, I'm Ben Affleck!-- and an actress at the same time.... and I thought that she was a writer, but her short stories were all like she was trying to write a novel every time, and that's why she was only average.

(Who's heard of anybody who's won these damn awards, and who thinks that this crap that they put on every damn night is any good.... God damn. And you call something this sweet little title "Nobody Belongs Here", I mean, ".... More Than You", and each one is more angst-y than the next.... at least you could figure out the Fabulous Sarah Thorson and her fucking anxieties from reading the (pretend) bookjacket or whatever, and who has the guts to just to do that.... No, no.... it's all fucking clever.... Fucking cowardly, really, fucking Sheldon-- God damn you, Shut up and talk. Stop hiding behind these fucking words-- nobody cares, don't you get that? Nobody cares about you. I don't care what your fucking sob story is, just talk to me, talk to me about your life, or shut, just shut the fuck up-- I don't care about you; I don't like you.)

(And then there are the bitches who think they've been attacked by the nazis, that they're the same as people who've been attacked by the nazis, because they make less than that guy Cooper who hangs out at the comic store who makes less than that lady who runs that Macy's who makes less than Steven Spielberg who makes those creepy war movies that creepy old ladies watch, who don't go to Macy's. So that's their problem-- that they're not Sheldon, and, therefore, they're like the people who've been attacked by the nazis. Well, I wonder what the Fabulous Sarah Thorson would think of that. I wonder what anyone who's had real problems in their life would think of that. I know what I think of it, you know.)

I finally get it, now, you know.

To hell with whatever I said before-- I said to hell with it-- I don't even like Billy Joel or Miranda July.

Let alone Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco.

(And you know what really makes me angry, to think-- oh, so now buy the comics, oh, so now be the dandy militarist, so now write the slop academic stuff, so now to hell with the Beatles, Be the Social Beethoven!)

I get so angry sometimes.... and sometimes even at them. It's so irritating....

I can't even listen to them talk.

(I actually like The Fabulous Sarah Thorson, Asian Exchange Student & Somebody's Daughter, better, for all her angst, at least it's real and not dandy militarist and fake.... everybody's got an excuse and nobody can be bothered, *I* don't know....)

"This is why Sweden has no space program." No, this is why you have no love life, you fucking loser.

(Yeah, Howard's a big swinger-- he got hair, down, to his knee. *SARCASM SIGN*.)

And I sure as hell like the Fabulous Sarah Thorson better than the stupid fucking girls who want in on the Swedish space program and the dandy militarism to boot.... just shut up, nobody likes you.... *nobody likes any of you, God damn you, all, all....*

(Sheldon: But we talk like that for fun. *It's not fun*. Really-- hold you in his armchair, you can feel his disease.)

You can learn from it.

(HE GOT EARLY WARNING.)

But it's like a school assignment sometimes, or just like reading a really long novel or something-- and on and on....

It's funny, because I sorta get them as characters, as people, but it's not from knowing everything that's ever been said by them.... and, to be honest, when I can hear their voices talking, imagine it, you know, it's almost irritating, because I don't really like them....

And I can write lines for them, you know, but I *don't* like them, and they always.... their conversations always end badly. I guess they're not as bad as some people, I know that, and that's sorta why you can learn from them, but....

What do I get from these people. Everything has to be action/sci-fi-- 100%. And thanks to that, all the bitter trash, the bitterness, and the shit.

And the shit that can't look the Fabulous Sarah Thorson in the eye, and tries to sell stuff based on her fucking feelings that they can't be bothered about....

And they aren't really as good as the Fabulous Sarah Thorson and her gorgeous fucking complexion, you know.

I don't know why it comes out the way it does sometimes, but....

I don't know.

It's all so fucking average.

Why do they always have to fucking sell to the most fucking average person-- 'the average girl thinks that....' and then it's good. Yeah, a *damn* average girl, you know.

But that's not working out so well for me, and that's not what I'm looking for, so maybe that's the difference between you and I.

Let me take you down, because I'm going to....

Pour some paint down a piano, ha.

Sheldon wouldn't think to do that in nine thousand fucking years.

Smart is the new.... passe.

.......

So I guess that's why sometimes I don't even like *television*, lol, because, in the words of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"-- nothing ever changes.

And it would be interesting to consider how many social evolutions have occured since 1955 (or even earlier, like, 1890) which have left Sheldon Cooper essentially unchanged.

Or, since the Jane Austen sluts, I mean, thought crime police, deleted my epic post called 'The Beatles and the Bennets'-- in brief: Paul & Jane, John & Elizabeth, George & Mary, Kitty/Lydia (they are actually one person) & Richard/Ringo, (although thankfully I kept my draft of that saved in two places, so that the lit sluts, I mean, thought police, didn't seriously disrupt my Jane research-- let us consider in brief The Alternate Universe Paradox Or Whatever:

John: All you need is love
Sheldon: That is scientifically undemonstrated!
John: You're a monster.

Paul: Is this what you call being romantic?
Lenard: Actually, it is.
Paul: *gives look, like, Really, Really Man* *walks away*

George: You know, your country is very interesting.
Raj: Oh yeah, my uncle taught me how to play the sitar when I was three and a half.
George: *produces a sitar* Let's play together.
Raj: *freezes* *"Oh shit he really knows how to play it."*

Ringo: I'm in a rock band.
Howard: Well, I know how to pick up women.
Ringo: Cool. Are you in a rock band too.
Howard: Uhhh.....

Beatles girl: I'm very romantic.
Penny: Yeah, me too.
Beatles girl: I listen to the Beatles.
Penny: *"Oh shit, she's actually romantic."* Well....
Beatles girl: You don't.
Penny: Well.... At least I'm not a.... scientist.
Beatles girl: Who do you hang out with.
Penny: *awkward silence*
Beatles girl: I'm going to Beatlemania 2013, wanna come?
Penny: *awks* I have to go watch Battlestar Galactica with the boys.
Beatles girl: *swoops up her coat and leaves*

Although she (Cuoco) was also in that one show that sucked, before she was in this show.... Galecki was in another show that sucked, too, *I think*.

So.... sometimes it's clever.... a little clever.... but, basically, it's average.

It's a very average show.

.....

I mean, the only episode that was any good was the one with the football party, and do you know what I like better? Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. (Which would be a great name for a Beatles cover band-- and the Beatles are the best band, because they have the best name, you know....)

And, thanks to one of my annoying friends, I remember all too well the *bad* part of *even the football party episode*....

.... It's just one of those things which was *almost* great.... I don't know, maybe *some* of the directors were great, or whatever.... but 'almost great' just isn't an excuse to me-- it's average.

Anybody can be ALMOST great, just like anybody can go through mediocrity, to be mediocre.

(8/10)

"Romeo and Juliet" was a tragedy written in 1595, the year that.... happened a long time ago.

"How I Met Your Mother" is a comedy that first aired in 2005, the year that Stephenie Meyer wrote "Twilight" and Steve Carell starred in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin".

Questions.

Oh, and: *my* name is Ted, therefore, Jason Segel is almost my friend, sorta. (He schools me, yo.)

And having a narrator and lots of flashbacks are pretty nice too.

....

OK, I'll admit it.

This show changed my life, and shaped my destiny forever.

It's just that good.

It's like....

.....

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU SAY GOODBYE I SAY HELLO.

(10/10)

Wow, things were pretty different back in the 90s, weren't they? Lol. Seriously, though, there's nothing like history for drama, and this is almost a case study in why I don't like drama the way that I used to.... I mean, I like Spanish guys! (".... A todos!") And even Americans! ("I'm trying to drink my brandy at the end of a long day.") {And, to be honest, you could really have a lot of fucking *fun* with this movie-- the only thing better than the whole 'tengo la camisa negra' angle is the whole friend-ship thing, which I thought was hilarious.... Because I always thought that friendship was the best ship, you know....}

I mean, I would really have rather seen the one that Morgan Freeman was in with that Hispanic cashier, ("Ten Items Or Less", I think), or any of his comedies.... It's just that this was what was on. To be honest, I think that this is basically a waste of his talent, in almost the same way that his science show is basically a waste of his talent.

Although I'll admit that it was funny when the lawyer guy had that look on his face and then said, "But Christ lost."

"And what about Dung-Scraper?"

"I have a terrible feeling that he speaks for us."

.............

Addendum: And, you know, sometimes I speculate about how many people get turned off to Jane Austen, just because she was English, back in the era of evil.... But I think that you ought to see how absurd that is, once you notice that the British naval officer is virtually the only respectable man in the entire five-act play....

And, you know: this isn't the first time that I've thought that maybe, (no disrespect intended to that bloke Washington), that maybe American independence-- *so early*, at least-- was actually just a big giant mistake.... We could have just bit the bullet, and dealt with the British stamps, and the British post office, and the Royal Navy. ("Washingon DC: Taxation Without Representation." Yeah, well, maybe they should rebel....)

{And why is Washington DC okay? Isn't it.... *gasp*! *Virtual representation*! *laughs* And anyway, there were probably more *Irish* MPs in Parliament, than there were English ones.... It's not as though London were the capital of *Spain*! Or *France*, even! Let alone *Prussia*! Ha! The Prussians were practically like Mr Saber here.... *sans the excuse*!}

And the abolition of slavery, and God Save the King & Queen, and Jane Austen.

*shrugs* I mean, look at what we have to put up against that-- the fanatical Christ-y abolitionist with a martyrdom complex, as well as other sorts that were even worse....

I mean, when Morgan Freeman asked the rhetorical question about what the Founders, (blessed be their holy names), left undone, I almost wanted to say-- The Cherokees! We have to wipe out the Cherokees! (And then jump around from combat to lawyering, remembering-combat to legal crap, legal stuff to political stuff, and then just jump around from the legal to the political to the historical.... Historical! Ha!)

I mean, something like *Appaloosa* is the most *American* sort of aspect of America, do you see that? Not that I love everything Greek, but.... Provincial tastes are not always the most....

I mean, Wal-Mart came from the interior, Arkansas I think, and the founder sounded to me like he had that Atticus Finch personality type-- provincial and bookish, and that's (almost) great, but....

*Macy's* is practically *British*; the magic of Macy's is virtually *English class*....

*wipes eyes* Does any of that make sense?

..... And, anyway, this is why there's a "scarcity of gentlemen" on the dance floor, they're all doing shit like this.... Ok, look-- Mr Officer & Mr Saber, you can go dance with Kitty & Lydia, Mr Freeman, you can go take a spin with Elizabeth.... But what about Jane? Are any of these guys worth Jane's time.... Well, no, but they'll be enough here to keep *Mary* busy-- for months!

Although I do admit that Mr Baldwin should be able to give *Mr Collins* a run for his money!

Lol.

(8/10)

This is not about any British boarding school, or any thing like that.

It is about magic, and the world that destroys magic.

It is as to the tale of Briar Rose, for every prince who came seeking to rescue her, during all the time when the power of the evil spell still reigned, was held fast by thorns, as though by strong hands, so that they bled until they died.

And some folk scoff at magic, but the world is an ugly place without it.... When beauty sleeps, what is left-- except all that is ugly?

(9/10)

I do *not* like it, actually.

I think that it was *tasteless*, and I think that the performance that Tom Hanks gave was tasteless, and I think that the whole movie had no class, no taste.

But what can you expect.

People back then had no class, no taste, no *culture*, at all.

At all.

What strikes one is the *coarseness* of the whole bloody fiasco....

I spit on it.

So! go ahead-- laugh at me, if you will.

But I *thoroughly* disapprove of it.

(6/10)

After re-writing my review of "Appaloosa" to include a lengthy philosophical-- which is what classification is, IMO-- discussion of what tags the movie should get, (I eventually settled for historical: drama), I decided to write reviews for all of the movies of Ed Harris which I've seen, which is actually only three-- Appaloosa, Apollo 13, and A History of Violence. And, unlike "Apollo 13", this is certainly *not* a Tom Hanks movie, and, although it does include Viggo Mortensen, which made it more attractive, of course, to the Peter Jackson fanboy that I was when I saw this.... (I was actually planning on seeing "Hidalgo", and, uh-- "Van Helsing", out of basically the same motivation, but I was such a lazy sort when it came to movies-- I was more of a gamer-- that in the end I missed both of them.... Although I suppose that that's sorta indifferent to me now), It actually doesn't have any more to do with John Tolkien than, well.... Peter Jackson!

So-- Ed Harris, and Viggo Mortensen. It's interesting to think of who isn't in this movie: Tom Cruise. I think, from my limited experience of his work, that Tom wouldn't really want to be in a movie like this. It's not verbal enough for him; he likes to talk sometimes.... Whereas these guys, don't, really. I mean, Viggo--as King Arathorn!-- gives a battle-speech or two in the Peter Jackson movies, but that's not quite his thing, not really what he likes. But Tom Cruise has the *relish* for that sort of thing-- not a battle-speech, exactly, but the sort of speech that you give in an action movie, maybe. The dramatic flare, the mixing of words with deeds.... Like gunpowder in ale.

But Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen are both very quiet men.... They are quiet, physical men.... And I guess that they like to drink their ale straight.

.... I'm not sure what else to say about it, but I suppose that I probably learned something.... And I suppose that that must count for something, right?

Ok, just one more thing, to kinda geek out on you: a Tom Cruise movie, is a bit like a fighting RPG, a talking-and-fighting game, like "Jade Empire", where you do ninja tricks and combat and stuff, and then you stop and you talk with your dudes about what's behind you, and what's ahead of you, and then you walk to the next combat, to do more fighting and jumping and kicking, and so on. An Ed Harris movie, (or should I say Ed Harris & Viggo Mortensen? They're paired-- one way or the other, in two of the three movies of Ed's that's I've seen, and it's a certainly a more potent pairing than that of Harris and *Hanks*, you know....) It's more gritty-- it's more like "Halo": you shoot people, you run forward while getting shot at, you nab the ammo off of the corpse, and you reload and fire, and you basically just worry about where to shoot and what to shoot with-- you don't talk with your party members about why they left Japan or what it was like learning to be a samurai.... Does that make sense?

And I was always much better charting out my character's leveling-up upgrades-- *magical fantasy-y leveling-up sound*-- than I was at running from cover-to-cover, where the only reward was to end up with as much health and ammo as you started with.... I mean, I kinda sucked at running from cover to cover, to be honest.... I mean, I understood the *idea*....

Yeah, I probably learned something from this movie.

I learned to stay really far the fuck away from Ed Harris....

{Jack Nicholson: *neurotic bullshit joke* Ed Harris: *punches him* Julia Roberts: *covers mouth* *starts to cry* *thinks: I will --never-- recover from this!*}

(Maybe it really is better to have villains with fako names, like-- Sarris!)

(9/10)

After re-writing my review of "Appaloosa" to include a lengthy philosophical-- which is what classification is, IMO-- discussion of what tags the movie should get, (I eventually settled for historical: drama), I decided to write reviews for all of the movies of Ed Harris which I've seen, which is actually only three-- Appaloosa, A History of Violence, and Apollo 13. Although "Apollo 13" is actually more of a Tom Hanks movie, and, unlike the other two, does not include Viggo Mortensen, thus not opening me up to allegations of Peter Jackson fanboy status.

Although, speaking of being a fanboy, I remember that they showed this to us in school, either in middle school or early high school, I'm sure-- back when the name "Danielle" was imbued with a special meaning for me.... And she was actually sitting, maybe two or three rows in front of me, so....

Anyway.

It's, uh, drama, definitely, and further than that, I guess that I'd have to say-- light drama, which is sorta my 'for lack of a better term', one. (And, let's face it, when we are caught in life's little dramas, for lack of anything either truly joyful or very exciting-- it is for lack of something better!)

But, yeah, it's a Tom Hanks movie. It's dependable. Average, in a dependable kind of way. Just like Tom Cruise is, in my opinion, average in an action-y kind of way, Tom Hanks is average, in a dependable kind of way.... I kinda like him, you know.

And, you know, the plot never gets away from you.... Know what I mean?

(8/10)

I've decided to review all of the movies of Tom Cruise that I've seen-- which I guess is actually only three-- The Last Samurai, Valkyrie, and Minority Report.... And if I had to rank them, I guess that that would be the order that I would put them in, yeah-- just because I'm thinking of the guy. And.... Why could that be? (Seriously, though, this is nothing against Katie Holmes: I just like to keep myself amused.)

"You can't run, John."

"Everybody runs."

I don't really remember this well, although, to be honest, I'm not quite sure how much there is to remember. I think that it's an average film, not a bad one.... But it's also that sort of average which is only somewhat better than mediocre, IMO.

Also, although I guess that Mission: Impossible, (and certainly not *another* movie with an 'M'-- although, to be honest, this is probably as good as that: it's just that *we wise fools* would rather have a Canadian than a Scientologist.... Although it's all just beakers and meters to me, one way or the other! Tangent: A relative tuned into "Something's Gotta Give" halfway through, something I've developed a distaste for, I suppose.... But I didn't see it enough to really see it: something about Jack Nicholson-- "He is renowned for his often dark portrayals of neurotic characters"{wiki} and *that* is 'As Good As It Gets', I guess?-- and Keanu Reeves in the same movie was, too much.... *something*, and nothing made up for that, somehow) is the one that's actually literally from the 90s, but this one is pretty 90s-y too.... (You know when that Nazi (-themed) movie 'American History X' {"Some legacies must end"} was made? That's right-- the 90s!) Although, actually, for a 90s-y movie, this was actually pretty decent....

But anyway.... Sometimes I divulge the truth, and other times I just wander....

But anyway.... It was an average movie....

Do you suppose that we are all average, before we come of age, or is there something there before?

(8/10)